A Block of Bad Events

The last few days was very stressful particularly at work. I found myself in a position where I had to deal many fronts. Finally as Friday approaches, I decided to take a leave on Monday to have a break from stress at work. Hopefully, a good day's break is enough to put things back at normal.

The first part of the events started last Thursday night. It was raining and I was on the way back home after a routine period of exercise. I was just after Armada Hotel when the cars in front brake abruptly. I braked quite hard, but the car was skidding and I by the time I braked hard enough I hit the back of a Proton car.

Shit...seems to be a long talk about fixing it in the rain.

Thankfully, the guy's is working in Low Yat, makes it easy for me to find him the next round to settle the damage. It all happened because of some fool's in front of both of us braking abruptly. This was not the only accident occurred that night. Less than 15 minutes after mine, another happened just behind us.

Okay, the guy was kind of a nice Indian whom is willing to show me the details of the fix, damages and etc..the next round I am in town. He called twice yesterday to see how am I doing and telling me that he couldn't go to work because he injured his left wrist - twisted so badly as his was on the steering wheel.


The car's bonnet got slightly dented except that I cannot close it completely. The impact has left the thing slightly out of shape and to fix it, some parts had to be removed before it can be fixed prior to reattachment. I am planning to do it next Saturday with a friend who knows some mechanics in a workshop in K.L.

That was only the first part of it.

The next day, I had a talk with my manager over such problems that I am facing and it seems that my answers are all there. He finally cleared things up, except for the ending which I am not that quite happy about. We admit that we didn't have much of the understanding and the line was not drawn for me to know. All those things happened while I am busy working on things to finish up by end of next month. Remember the fear which I told about in a few posts ago? There it goes...except for one last piece of the puzzle left...to be known by next week. He asked me a question...what can I get from you if I solve your problems? I have no answer to it except to tell him what does he really want. We also agreed to meet often as on a fortnight basis to make sure that we are on the right track.

By the end of the day, I was slightly relieved but the aftermath of the last few days was affecting me so much that I decided to take a one day break and going back to work on Tuesday.

Stressed, Depressed and Lonely

This is more or less a personal issue that I just could not stand any longer. I just simply cannot hold it in my heart anymore. The more I start to hold it, I just start to feel more depressed, anger boiling up and I start to have the bubbles of hate popping out at anytime I just simply press the red button.

Throughout the week I felt very stressful. I was given the kind of work that I could find no way out to finish it. The moment just keeps reminding me of what happened about three weeks ago. And then I just made an honest unintentional mistake that I just keep feeling that I might get an immediate reprimanding from a perfectionist superior who does not understand the term of flexibility at all. All the time I just keep feeling that was no support from anyone - any kind soul or a good Samaritan - that at least can ease my daily pressures. It's like I am cursed not to receive any help from any quarter at all no matter how hard I tried. Alright, I tried to find solutions out to problems, but I felt that shouldn't that problem be solved immediately rather than coming out with the answer two days later?

I just keep feeling that there are many invisible eyes watching around me, waiting to pound on me the moment if I look at somewhere else except myself.

See, from that I just feel depressed every day of this week I come back from work. I just really wanted to go AWOL from work or expect one day I fall ill from fever or something. But I didn't fall ill at all. I don't really know what to say now. It's just that I lack of something - maybe faith? - maybe support, maybe will ?? to propel me past this struggles. It's like struggling when I am alone with no help at all. Am I fated to go into each situation like this? Does this always happen to me every time when June or July happens? Some astronomical event that I don't believe in that always hit me every year?

On the other hand, I was invited to attend my colleague's wedding at the end of the month. Congratulations to them. I just asked my dad's friend how much do I have to put out for the red packet's monetary value. That's alright. But when I looked at them, when do I have the chance to be in that situation? Do I only get when I am after 30+ or maybe not at all? The more I see other people with their partners, the more I start to envy them. I could think of bashing the guy and taking over his place.

But in order to go to that stage, I must complete the first stage..able to settle down. But now, I am still not completely reached to that level totally on my own. I can't do everything on my own for God's sake! If there's something bad that's going to hit me so bad, I fear all effort that I've tried hard to put in goes up in the smoke in the flash - something that I should not deserve and should be avoided. It's not easy to rebuild it from scratch. I beseech God's divine assistance to help me through this. Do I see as a tribulation of sorts?

:-( ;-(

Eunuchs!

Three days left before the license for the JIRA application expires. Unfortunately, nobody from Atlassian seemed to be answering my mail of desperate call. But those who came and going through the whole system seemed to be calling the shots particularly by those working on the ILMU component of the entire product.

They ask if they can put this field visible on certain stages, ask if they can put this there or not. I couldn't say no though as to avoid raising their hidden reaction of anger or my trying to show off, which is something I would like to avoid at all costs. Among things they asked were if they can convert the PRC thing to a click append thing, auto assign. I wonder wouldn't it be good for them to exercise their muscles for a while by setting the date manually. At least the good thing they said was "see if you can".

At times I couldn't think of a good answer to explain to them. They think that this program does wonders like they can incorporate many things into one. Well, almost all. Except for the last part. When they proposed the big amount of changes there at around 3 p.m., I had to rework on changing the screens, changing the workflow and etc.. and all my work crashed abruptly when the database server refused to connect with my terminal, which I am hosting the program.

Everytime I log into the system, the red label at the main screen kept showing in my face. I really wanted to give myself a breather after all this. I thought I could finish everything, but the database server crash at the last minute in the evening prevented me from going on.


I wonder how some of the colleagues I feel behaved like eunuchs in the feudal Chinese period. They wield more power than the royals, showing themselves how mighty they are. Well, that was pre-Three Kingdoms saga but I feel that they refuse to go for the new change or something. At least my manager encouraged me to try go outside the box. But to them, I find that they are still back inside the box. But their seniority is above my authority. What can I do but to do and maybe grief this to my U.M?

Oh, God. Please help me. Is this what Ephesus is about? Patience and penitence?