Imagine There's Anniyan and Che Khalib

KUALA LUMPUR — Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB), Malaysia’s premier energy provider today announced that they were taking legal action against the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) for organising the Earth Hour, a global movement that makes a stand against climate change by turning off all non-essential lights and electrical equipment for an hour every year.

In a Press conference, TNB president and CEO Dato’ Sri Che Khalib Mohd Noh said that the annual worldwide symbolic gesture, which this year would be observed this Saturday at 8.30pm, is nothing more than an ‘arrogant and thoughtless viral movement’ aimed to hurt power companies such as TNB.

CHE KHALIB: These people are inconsiderate

“Obviously these green-minded fellows think they’re really cute, organising such an irresponsible campaign,†said Che Khalib angrily. “They say ‘turn off your lights for an hour’ and people do. I bet that really makes them feel all powerful.

“What these western colonialists fail to grasp is how such drastic action affects the poor companies like us. One hour of unused electricity means an hour of wastage for TNB. Did you know that last year’s Earth Hour costed us millions in unrealised revenue?†asked Che Khalib, seething.

“How do you think that affected our production? We couldn’t exactly turn off our power plants just because a large number of Malaysians turn off their lights at the same time. So imagine all that wasted energy.

“This year, we expect even more people to fall for this global con-job,†added Che Khalib. “So there’ll be more lights turned off. KL alone would be engulfed in darkness. Yes, sure, it may seem fun to some, running around in complete darkness. But that also means TNB would get less money. Tell me, what am I supposed to say to the kids of this electrical technician when we can’t give bonus this year?†asked Che Khalib, as he pointed to a TNB staff manning the lights for the Press conference.

He added, “In light of such inconsiderate actions by these tree huggers, TNB has no choice but to take legal action against the Earth Hour organisers, WWF. We’ll wait for our accountants to come back with the loss figure after this year’s Earth Hour, and we plan to sue them for that same amount. We may even add a hundred million ringgit or so, to teach them a lesson.â€

Che Khalib also reminded Malaysians to ignore the Earth Hour, calling it a ‘cultural invasion, a concerted assault by extreme liberal forces aimed to destabilise poorer nations’.

“We are Malaysians, and we should be proud of our lights. Every night we should go out and see the beautiful sparkling lights in our city skylines. Don’t be ashamed of the lights,†said Che Khalib, as he unveiled a set of pictures showing the Petronas Twin Towers and the surrounding buildings consequently going dark during last year’s Earth Hour.

DARK TIMES: KLCC buildings going dark last year

“See this? See how ugly, gloomy and dark the last picture is? God knows how many people tripped over things and hurt themselves in the complete darkness, not to mention the number of bad people going around doing naughty things, knowing the authorities could not see them.

“Let’s reverse the order of these pictures this year, and fight for the rights to our lights,†continued Che Khalib. “Let’s unite as 1Malaysia, and tell these green terrorists that we will not go dark! We will not switch off! Let’s tell them that we love our lights!

“POWERRR... EXTREME!†he screamed, as powerful clusters of foglamps flooded the conference room with ultra-bright and hot light, temporarily blinding everyone present, and signalling the end of the Press conference.

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I remembered that a some Indian friend of mine showed the movie Anniyan at his house a few years back, with subtitles included together. During the middle of the movie, just before the intermission, one of the punishments, called Kirumi Bhojanam (feeding the sinner to the leeches) was executed on someone who gave low quality services while walking away with money. In other words, you give lousy services but make a lot of money.

If you imagine of that Anniyan really exists and hears that, chances are that our Mr. TNB could have been dead by dawn, if such thing says. One night I talked to someone at a pub, we were discussing about TNB rates and so forth, and I asked about this speech. True, he admits that this really was out and other people know about it, except it doesn't come out in papers fearing to shame them.

What if Anniyan's real and he knows about this? Can our Indian friends picture this?

"You suck people's blood don't you? And now, they will suck your blood. They are not food for you. You will be their food."