I wasn't at her deathbed when she passed. I did not have enough leave days to go there. I was at home watching TV, maintaining vigil when at 10:05 p.m, dad called to say that she was gone.
After her passing, I touched and saw her in dreams only twice. The last time was a week or two ago.
Despite enjoying the time with her when I was a kid, the one thing I enjoyed most was her food. After she was gone, the house became like a haunted place. When I go to food stalls looking at the rice with servings, I thought I really wanted some of her food in the menu....:)
Sometimes, I wondered if she after death would never forgive herself or I kept wondering whether she deserved it when she refused to listen to what I said to her. I told her to go risking chemotherapy if she wants to be well soon. Too bad. Sometimes, I wondered if she comes to me in dreams and said, "I am sorry. I should have listened to you..."
We tend to celebrate the day of passing not by according to the Gregorian calendar, but instead using the Chinese Lunar Calendar. In her case, it's on the 16th day of the 10th lunar month.
May God watch over her soul..Amen.